Skinny time

Intake

Today I have had:
Breakfast- Omlette 6g carbs
Lunch- Yoghurt 9g carbs
Dinner- Omlette 6g carbs
Snack- Strawberries 5g carbs
Total- 26g carbs

So I went 6g over today but thats not so bad. The only exercise today was some house work as we don't train on weekends.

Calling all fitness freaks

I want to become a fitness freak, now I have a gym membership it seems much more possible. I already work out an hour everyday in the morning then maybe swimming laps then an hour and a half on thurs nights training but I want moreeeee.

If there are any fitness fanatics out there do you have any tips for me? I want to be a hottie with a bodyyyy hahah!

I alreay love weights but I want to love cardio more, even though weights are more important for weighloss then cardio, its still so important.

Today Jonno and I went out and practiced shooting hoops as the season starts soon. It was really nice to get out and do something active together. He makes it fun and a little competitive which is good.

A Survey

I got this from another blogger (http://paperthinpowderwhite.blogspot.com/ ) and I thought I would like to do it. I don't expect anyone to read it as its long.


*The Basics*
Name:: Beth
Sex:: Femail
Birthday:: August 23
Age:: 18
Location:: Australia
Hair Color:: Blonde
Eye Color:: Blue

*My Eating Disorder*
What Eating Disorders Do You Have:: Bulimia, binge eating disorder and anorexic tendencies
How Long Have You Had Them:: about 10 years
Why Do You Have An Eating Disorder:: I've just always had it
Are You Proud or Ashamed of Your Eating Disorder:: Neither, though more ashamed then proud
Do People Know About Your Eating Disorder:: Yes.
Do You Wish People Knew About it:: Yes and No
Do You Wish You Never Had An Eating Disorder:: Sometimes, I always think about what it would be like to normal...
Do You Think The Media is Partially Responsible For Your Eating Disorder:: I suppose it has furthered it, I mean things like looking at models for 'thinspiration' is definatly conected to the media

*My Body*
Weight Before Eating Disorder:: Not sure
Height: 5'4
Current Weight:: I don't tell people
Highest Weight:: Same
Lowest Weight:: Same
Are You Tired A lot:: ALL THE TIME
Have You Ever Fainted:: I've blacked out
Are You Cold All The Time:: not really, but I live in effing hot Australia
Do Your Ribs Show:: Not like they used to
Do Your Hipbones Show:: Not really
Does Your Collar Bone Show:: A little
Can You See Your Ribs Through Your Back:: Hmmmm don't know
Do Your Thighs Touch:: yeppp
Chest Size:: Bigg boobies
Does Your Head Look Too Big For Your Body:: nope
Are You Satisfied With The Way You Look Now:: no
If You Could, What Would You Change About Yourself:: I would be thin
What Is Your B.M.I.:: Don't tell people
What Do The Doctors Say is Your Ideal Weight:: 58-68kgs
What Do You Think Is Your Ideal Weight:: 50kgs

*My Thinspirations*
Who Are Your Thinspirations:: Olsen Twins, Nicole Ritchie, just skinny girls
Who is Your Favorite Thinspiration:: I have heaps
Who is Your Second Favorite Thinspiration:: OMG
Why Do You Envy Them:: Legs and stomach
What's The Best Thing About Them:: There sexy
What's The Worst Thing About Them:: Nothing
Would You Trade Places With Them If You Could:: I don't know

*My Mind*
Do You Consider Your Eating Disorder a 'Disorder':: Yes of course, its not normal
Are You Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia:: No thats insane, no-one should want to go through this
Would You Ever Want Your Best Friend To Have An Eating Disorder:: No
What Are Your Disordered Eating Habits:: Restriction
Are You Obsessive Compulsive:: no
Are You A Perfectionist:: no
Do You Have Depression:: yes
Are You A Cutter:: I used to, I try not to
Have You Ever Been Suicidal:: yes.
Have You Ever Attempted Suicide:: I don't like to discuss it
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Mental Reasons:: yes
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Your Eating Disorder:: hmm sort of
Do You Have Body Dismorphic Disorder:: not sure

*Your Life Outside Your Disorder*
Favorite Color:: Pink
Favorite Movie:: Comedies
Favorite Book:: hmm not sure
Favorite T.V. Show:: At the moment Seinfeld
Favorite Season:: Winter
Favorite Day of The Week:: Friday
Favorite Time Of Day::. Evening
Favorite Holiday:: mmmmm dunno
Favorite Hobby:: music
Favorite Actor:: Don't have one
Favorite Actress:: Don't have one
Favorite Musician:: So many
Do You Have Any Pets:: No I want a puppy
What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time:: Hang with bf, internet, read, exercise

*The Future*
What Do You Want To Study In College:: music
What Career Do You Want:: music
Do You Ever Want To Get Married:: I think so
Do You Ever Want Kids:: yes
Where Do You Want To Live:: Somewhere nice
Will You Have Any Pets:: yes
What Type of House Do You Want:: Abig one with a pool
What Goals Do You Have That Are Unrelated To Your Eating Disorder:: Become rich
What's Your Number One Priority:: Lose weight
How Do You Think You Will Die:: No idea, I hope its old age
When Do You Think You WIll Die:: I don't know
Will You Be Missed By Anyone:: yes
Will You Have Any Regrets:: yes
Will You Have Any Unfinished Business:: don't we all
Will Your eating disorder still be affecting you:: It always will but maybe to a lesser extent

SHOTSshotsSHOTSshots

I wonder how many people on here are from Australia.

I would like to go out with my friends and do shots until I can't see. Yes I think I will do that next week, time to text the friends.

I have started to realise that I am quite lucky. I have been reading that a lot of you feel like you have no friends, not a single friend to rely on. That makes me very sad as I don't know what I would do without my friends.
Firstly theres Nina, she is the best friend I could possibly ask for in the whole world. She is always there for me, ALWAYS knows what to say. She is so much fun and I love her so much.
Next is Bri, she is so beautiful and talented. She has had a hard life but unless your very close to her you wouldn't know it, she has a very strong soul. She is so much fun and I love her crazy ways.
Third is Megan, we have been friends since we were like, 13. She is a strong girl who is full of direction. I know deep down she is sad, with good reason too. I love her very much and want her to be happy.

These are the friends I can turn to when I really need someone, I hope you all find people like these in your life.

Positivity Time

People keep telling me to be positive (which is very difficult when you have serious depression) so I am going to make a list of good things in my life:
- I live in beautiful Australia and not some 3rd world country
- I have a loving family
- I have an amazing sister
- I have a wonderful boyfriend
- I have had the experience of traveling overseas
- I am educated
- My family is well off
- I have a lovely room with a big bed and a big screen tv
- I have caring friends
- I have this laptop
- I have financial security

I'm sure theres lots more but I can't think of any more...

Jonno is doing his motorcycle license test today, I hope he gets it. He has been practising so Hopefully he will.
I went to the gym once again this morning but I accidently slept in so I was late for training. Its ok though coz I stayed after to swim laps so I think I made up for it. I have netbal training tonight which I'm not really looking forward to as I have really sore muscles but oh well.

I hope you are all having sun shiny days!

If I said I want your body now

I ate carbs. I am a failure. I am just getting fatter and fatter.

I have been going to the gym everyday, but its probs not doing anything coz then I go eat crap.

I want a new tattoo, here are my ideas:

- your eyes must do some raining, if your ever going to grow
- you should never be embarrassed by your troubles with living, cause its the ones with the sorest throughts Laura who, have done the most singing
- hope

Pop

Ok I've had omlette, cole slaw and some chicken. I want to go back to the gym, aqua aerobics is on tonight at 6pm, so I want to go to that.

I wish I had something interesting to write about, something to thrill you guys, but I don't.

Welcome new followers, feel free to introduce yourselves =)

Today Tonight Tomorrow

This morning at 7am I went to the gym, my Mums partner is being my personal trainer. It was good, every morning I have my session with Gary. I then came home and made an omlette. It was yummy and healthy.
Before I made an Atkins Cole Slaw, I haven't eaten it yet.

I have been watching episodes of Seinfeld all day, everyday for the past week or so (not the weekend as I was out all weekend)

I love Seinfeld

Get your freak on

I had a stir fry, I just cooked at and ate it. It was yum. It had buk choy, capsicum, spring onion, mushrooms and some soy sauce, it was yum. And healthy. And low carb.

I only have one one egg left, only one! I wanted to have an omelette, but I only had one egg. I will get more, but I can't be bothered to leave the house today.

I might make a sweet potato salad later, low carb again. I will not ruin my low carb diet today. Not today.

1234

Where are we going?
Were going to a party, its a birthday party, its your birthday party, happy birthday darling, we love you very, very, very, very much

Another day of not leaving the house, what a life. I have been feeling better over the past few days, quite optimistic about getting a job, starting to rebuild my life after it came crashing down.

Lets fuck it up boys

Goal one- You are still fat and disgusting
Goal two – Your thighs are still huge
Goal three- You are gross, avoid going out
Goal four- Now you are starting to look ok
Goal five- You are looking good
Ultimate goal- Perfect

No one reads this

Maybe I should write in a journal instead of online

Shiny and New

Like a virgin.

Ok, I've had sex with 15 people. I had to do a recount and thats my total. I like to be 18.

I just got home back to Mums, I like officially live with my parents again. I have been applying for jobs so I hope something comes from it, I need to save money.

The night before last I broke up with Jonno. After like hours of me telling him I want to break up and reasons and him asking me not to, to think about it more and to not rush into it etc we finally hang up the phone. Less then 5 minutes later I regret it so so much. He is amazing and wonderful and caring and I broke up with him, what an idiot. So I told him how I feel and he wouldn't take me back because of the conversation we had just had. I was so so hysterical, I was crying so much I thought I was going to vomit.
Anyway we met up last night and sorted things out thank god, I don't want to have to be without him, he is so lovely. Anyway he is coming over tomorrow and we are celebrating Valentines Day, I can't wait.

Has anyone got plans for valentines day?

I don't have a fucking name for this

I'm not getting my bond back from my old place because 'we had to get the carpet shampooed because of makeup stains, the matress steam cleaned, you only gave us a few days notice, you didn't pay the last week of rent when your stuff was there til Sunday and you haven't paid internet or electricity since you've been here'so I am a broke ass. I must be a shit tenant.
I am staying at my sisters house as my Mum and her partner Gary were fighting so much she came and got me. I could hear him yelling stuff like "if you want to live with your daughters go live somewhere else" and mum goes "how would you want me to react if your child needed help?" and he said "its not my child needing help thats the problem" so obvioulsy me having to move back home because I need help is a big issue for him. I guess I can understand because like all mums daughters are grown up and living their lives so mum starts to live her life only to have me come back and ruin it. Sighhhhh
So as I said I've been sitting around at my sisters, everyone is at work so I've just been watching tv, on the net. All my friends are too bust being successful with their lives to hang out with me. So nothing to do la la la

I make the world go wild

Hey guys,
The hospital that I'm in has gone into lockdown after they recieved a threat on the building this morning. So no one can leave or come in. If you already had plans your still aloud to go so I can still go out to lunch with my Dad and Sister today. I hope we don't get bombed.
If I am ever in a plane and its crashing I hope what happens in 'At the Bottom of Everything' happens to me. Everyone should go listen to it, its by Bright Eyes.

kbye

Wow! She's fat!

ISUCKISUCKISUCK

Ok whatever, I'm going to be like one of those people who are like 'big is beautiful' and 'fat and happy' and all that crap.

HAHAHA

What a joke!

Inner beauty is for fat people.

I would be living a lie if I were to sit in the mould of 'fat and happy' as I think fat is disgusting. Have you ever been sitting somewhere, in a food court or something, and suddenly realise you've been watching in disgust as an obese person shovels burgers into their mouth? No? Me neither.

MY DIET PILLS THAT I ORDERED LAST YEAR HAVE STILL NOT ARRIVED!

Hello Goodbyeee

Hello family,
As you know if you read my last post (which I don't think so because no one reads my blog anymore) then you will know that I have been writing my blogs on my laptop ready to post them when the net comes back. Well my laptop decided to have a mad freak out and I can no longer access them. FUCK. Oh well they were just telling you about what its like here in hospital. I have 2 group therapy sesions a day and one on ones like twice a week. Theres a lady here who binges and purges every night, poor thing. Anyway the lovely Jonno bought me an internet stick thing so I can have the net while I'm in hospital yayayay!
I feel like chocolate, how ridiculous! Chocolate! Who needs it! Ahhh I want it mmmm.

I am going to play the sims now, yes I'm a loser. Thank god I'm allowed my laptop in this place, otherwise I would die of boredome!!!!!!

GUYYSSSS

just a quiicki, not of the sexual viariety, sorry if i excited you. ok i have been writing posts on my laptop and i will put them up when i get out of hospital as i have very limited internet access here. which leads me to my next point. i am still in hospital and they predict i will be here for 3 weeks. i want to go home im very lonely and sad. anyway i hope you aree all good!!

loveeeee