I stood nervous next to you in the dark room

I ate so much today. I hate myself

Today's intake plan

Breakfast
2 boiled eggs- 178cals

Snack
Tea- 0cals

Lunch
Lite tuna salad- 71cals

Snack
Apple- 73cals

Dinner
Whatever is served (can't wait to move out) - guessing about 360 if I only eat a bit

Total- 682cals

New meal plan

Hello=)

I have made a new meal plan which I hope to start on Monday (when I have recovered from my operation and can actually chew). No day goes over 650cals so hopefully I can stick to it. Netball starts this Saturday. FML. I really don't want to be jumping around in a little skirt with my huge thighs on show. Oh well I guess it will be more motivation for me.

I had a job interview today at a store as in an administration position. I hope I get it. I don't know if I will as she asked a lot of questions that I don't think I answered very well. I find out next week, so far away to wait for this news!!!

Anyway today I ate like a bitch. Sighhhhh

Beth

xx

Tumblr

Does anyone on here have one? If so can you please explain it? Its complicated, can you comment on other peoples posts? Also where do the posts come up?

Food, too much of it

Ok I had:
- Watermelon and icecream
- Spaghetti bolognaise
- Hundreds and thousands biscuits
- Tina wafers

And I have a pack of giant chocolate buttons and another pack of caramel ones. Maybe I won't eat them...

I have a headache

Viva la vent

I have no one to talk to, hang out with, just chill with, go out with, party with. I have no one to do anything with. I need to make friends. Seriously I haven't been out in so long, I have gone to bed at like 10 every Friday and Saturday night. I am such a loser.

How do you make friends when you don't go to school, you have no job, and no hobbies? That rules out school friends, work friends and club friends. What other friends are there?

My boyfriend knows I am upset about this lack of friends situation so he says he will take me out for some drinks on Saturday night. Knowing him he it will get to Saturday and he will say he doesn't feel like it, but at least I have something I can pretend to look forward too.

Just entertaining myself with thinspo =)

Wisdom

I got my wisdom teeth out, I am in so much fucking pain its unbelievable. My pain meds aren't strong enough at all. Mum won't give me more coz she thinks its dangerous to go over the recommended dosage... which is 3 in 24 hours. 3!! Why bother taking them!

Anyway last night I went to bed at 8pm and woke up at: 10:30pm, 11:20pm, 2:30am, 4:30am and 6:30am. Worst night sleep. Each time I woke up I was soaked in sweat, weidest thing as its cold here. I wasn't hot, I am wondering if it is a side effect of the drugs. Mum says its from worrying and it happens to her somtimes.

I think I am going to have to steal the pain meds from Mums room. I have some other meds in here but I don't know if I should mix them. I am pretty sure its the same drug just a weaker one, but I don't have the packet so I can't double check.

The stitches in my mouth are stabbing me. Fml

Fatty needs to distract herself

Just remember the 4 D’s:

* Distance yourself from food.

* Distract yourself.

* Delay eating.

* Decide what your goals really are.


I have already had 1140cals and its on 11:16am.
I have to go gym soon.
I found a note in the back of my thinspo book that my ex connor wrote me when we were still going out. It said 'Beth is very pretty the way she is and thats why I love you baby, your very beautiful. I love you forrever <3 Connor. Will you stay with me forever and look after me when I'm old and sick? I want to ride nanny scooters with you when were 96 years old'
Now I can't stop crying, I am in hysterics.

I'm beautiful in my way

Fuck everything

The happiest post

I don't know if this is the happiest post I have written as I cannot remember but it must be top 3!! This is the first time in so so long that I have felt like I really want to do something. I have a goal that I see as achievable with a lot of hard work. So are you ready, I want to study at the Australian Institute of Fitness. I want to be a personal trainer and a group exercise instructor!

It feels so good to finally want something, to actually work towards something. I have been so depressed for so long that I couldn't imagine wanting to do anything again. I genuinely wanted to stay in bed all day. Then I discovered exercise. Of course I have done exercise for years, but never like this, never actually being healthy and realistic about it. I worked so hard today as now I have the idea about being a trainer I want to make it happen so much.

On a less happy note, today I ate a block of chocolate... So I went to the gym twice, all up I worked out for about 2 and a half hours today but that chocolate is so evil! DIE CHOCOLATE DIE!!!

I hope you are all well

m

I had an omlette for breakfast, but this time Mum made it and she put extra ingredients in, including milk!!! Oh well it was skim.
I just finished mowing the lawn which is good exercise! Its so tiring haha. It is exhausting pushing that big machine all around the yard.
I am thinking about going and getting my nails done today. I haven't had them in a while and I miss it. Plus my nails look like shit.
I feel fat. I am fat.
Sighhhhhhh

Heartbeat

Tonight is Mardi Gras here in Sydney. I had plans to go until about an hour ago when I suddenly didn't want to. I don't know why really. I told my friends its coz I have no money. Some guy on the radio said that each alocoholic beverage you drink is like eating a chocolate bar so I guess its good I'm not going. I knew alcohol had heaps of cals but hearing that really put it into perspective.
Jonno and I went to the gym today, I don't like going with him. All he wants to do is slack off, like he doesn't want to actually exercise. Anyway I only ended up doing 10 mins on the bike, then about half an hour of weights. Then afterwards we played on the basketball courts for another hour so all up I got an ok workout I guess.
I can't even remember what I ate today. I think cereal, a mini pizza, half a choc crossiant and Mum just gave me some cake (ginger and carrot, no sugar) and icecream. I know I know thats so much food and I am a big fatty. Oh I just remember I had some fruit too.
I hope you all have a better saturday night then me. I will be soaking in a bath, then sleeping, what a riot.

3 minutes

I am leaving for the gym in 3 minutes, I don't have my shoes and socks on yet so it might be more like 10 minutes after I write this. I really don't feel like going today. I would love to just stay in bed. 2 minutes til I should leave. Oh well I was 15 mins early yesterday, I guess it won't matter if I am a little late.
I don't know if I will go to training tonight, Jonno is coming over and I feel embarrassed as I'm so unfit. I would much rather get more fit at the gym and then go to training so I can conquer the exercises like the other skinny bitch girls do. Ok I should be leaving now. I don't even know where my shoes are. Hmmm... they might be under my bed.
I had an omlette this morning for breakfast. It was yum. Ok now I am just procrastinating hahaha. I am going now.
Bye guysss

It's an addiction

Hello gang,
Today I went to the gym at lunch time instead of in the morning. I liked it more as I got to sleep in and therefore ate less in the day. I am supposed to go to Zumba tomorrow but I don't think I will. I will still go to the gym but I don't feel like Zumba as I also have training tomorrow night. I overate today but I am trying not to worry to much about it. Mum told me today she was reading this science thing and it said the best way to gain muscle is to drink a glass of skim milk right after a workout and then another glass an hour later. It seems a little random haha. I also heard that you should eat a banana after a workout, I would rather do that then drink skim milk so I might do that.
Now I am going to play Sims for a bit (haha), then read, then go to bed. Hope you are all staying safe and lovely.
xx