I'm so fucking lonely. I wish I had a friend, one person I could hang out with, spend time with. Intead I'm sitting here on my computer on a friday night waiting and wishing for some guy to text me back. Fuck I'm desperate. It's sad.
Mum came in to my room and asked if I wanted dinner, once again, I said no. My brain wasn't working so I didn't say "no thanks, I already ate" or "no thanks, I'm not feeling well" instead i just said "no".
Well she gave me this weird look, then she spotted one of my so carefully hidden (there just on my desk lol) signs that says YOU ARE FAT! She tells me its bad, and to get rid of them, write something positive she said. What positive thing could I write? I lost some weight or I didn't eat today. Pretty sure thats not the type of positive she means.
She looked at me, and she said "are you starving yourself?" I wanted to say:
"YES MUM!!! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND! I HATE MYSELF, I WANT TO DIE!! I WANT TO WASTE AWAY, I FUCKING LOVE FEELING OF BEING SO SICK THAT I CAN'T EAT. YES I'm FUCKING STARVING!!!!"
"But of course, I said "no"
Just a plain and simple no. I don't really care if she believes me or not. It's not like it matters.
Todays food
rockmelon and plain salad- havent worked out the cals, less then 200cal
Sorry for the sad post
xxx
no need to apologise!! hope u feel better soon :) hugs. xoxox
ReplyDeletei hope you feel better soon my love. in a really fucked up way it's kind of nice somebody noticed all your efforts though right? You're obviously getting smaller and so your mum noticed, in a way that is a cause of congratulations :) and although it would be nice to have someone to text etc, you always have us my darling, don't forget it. Love, H x
ReplyDeleteawwww this makes me feel terrible! I should have been on here sooner! I've had those days... it'll get better.. I'm your friend! really I am! :) xoxoxoxo cheer up buttercup!
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