I don't want to recover, I hate myself too much.
Of course I still have to attend recovery but oh well.
I tell the doc straight out when I'm like this, which is most of the time.
It's very rare that I think I would like to recover.
Without my ed, I wouldn't be anything, anyone.
I wouldn't have a personality.
I'm starting to realise the impacts of my ed that are not the obvious ones (e.g. tired, sore etc) and I thought I'd write them:
- I have no friends. I'm too disgusted with myself to go out.
- I was to busy thinking about my ed to concentrate at school. Now I won't be going to uni.
- I'm not that close with Laura anymore. She hates my behaviour so much is practically all we talk about. We fight about it. Shes my sister so we'll be ok, but I hate it.
Todays intake
2x rice paper rolls 670kjs (160cals)
fruit salad 500kjs (119cals)
Total= 1170kjs (279cals)
please - dont let this ruin your life. you can still go to uni if you want... friends are hard with Ana around but we need friends :)
ReplyDeleteid hate to think of you throwing your life away because of this.
you know what they say- women are great multitaskers! <3
i dont see why it has to be "one or the other "
you are strong
you can do anything you set your heart and mind to.
xoxo
Oh sweets...I'm sorry. I'm glad that you are straight with the doctor at least and straight with yourself... I'm sure that you can figure out a way around the hard things. I know that the ed if a big part of your life, and you life is important. Take care of it.. the best way YOU can, not what anyone else thinks is best. Because you'll never get your life where you want it if you dont want to. and you are smart and strong. you can decide for yourself.
ReplyDelete