Oh baby

I had a hole in my heart

So I threw away my plate

Coz nothing could fill me up

Whatever I ate

I don't know what to write, how odd, what should I write about?

My sister went home today, I'm kind of glad coz she eats heaps and expects me to eat too, which I did. I will try to eat less this week, hopefully I will lose some weight. I want to be able to have before and after pics to be proud of. My eating disorder specialist will be back from his ski trip in New Zealand soon which means I'll have to see him again. I hate lying to people, I hardly ever do, I just tell them I don't eat because I'm fat. I dont want to lie to the doc, but I don't know what else I can do.

I found the type of outfit I would like to wear to big day out in January 2011 but I'm to fat, and I'm pretty sure I'll still be too fat in January. But if some miracle happens and I'm skinny, I'll wear short denim cutoffs and a one piece with cut outs on top =] then a baggy singlet over the top which I might take off throughout the day.

I have had about 1600kjs(380cals) today and its only 11am. I will have some fruit salad for lunch and hopefully I can just tell mum I'm really tired and go to bed early without dinner. That probably won't happen as she knows that me going to bed early is one of my warning signs that I'm becoming more depressed. She might make me stay up.

I will probably post more today as I'm at work and when I'm at work I post like 50 times a day.